


nothing is ever lost, it just begins again

by gentle_autumn_rain



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Self-Reflection, Victor Nikiforov-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-19 06:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22039600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentle_autumn_rain/pseuds/gentle_autumn_rain
Summary: In the quiet early morning darkness, Victor reflects on his life and love.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	nothing is ever lost, it just begins again

The ice rink is uncharacteristically quiet and only the sounds of Victor’s skates scraping the ice pierce the melancholy silence. He is practicing the step sequence for his short program, but he is not trying very hard. Footwork has never been Victor’s strong suit as a skater (well, that isn’t quite true – everything is Victor’s strong suit), and he has never been able to replicate the ease and grace with which his fiancé glides through intricate step sequences that trip up any other skater. After all, footwork is notably one of Yuuri’s strengths as a figure skater – among his talents outside of figure skating, his jaw-dropping mastery of pole dancing will always be one of Victor’s favorites.

It has been a long time since he indulged in these early morning skates, but he remembers how fervently he used to cherish them. Although skaters already operate on a ludicrously early schedule by most people’s standards, Victor often found himself sneaking into the dark rink long before the other skaters stirred from their beds. It was his time to work on his programs in solitude, to search for that spark that drove every performance and every surprise he had ever gifted to the world. A good portion of it as well, as reluctant as Victor was to acknowledge it, was to escape the stifling immaculacy and emptiness of his apartment. Skating was the first – and for a long time, the only – place where he had ever felt at home.

As the years went by and Victor’s dizzying feats became less and less awe-inspiring and more and more expected, that feeling changed. Eventually, these practices became a time for Victor to desperately try to regain that missing spark, and when that inevitably failed, imitate it as well as he could. It wasn’t as if anyone else seemed to be able to tell the difference.

Since finding his life and love, Victor’s early practices have, for the most part, ceased. What was there to be gained from mindlessly doing another quad loop or sit spin when Yuuri’s head is resting on his chest and their legs are tangled together and he can feel his fiancé’s skin-warmed ring against his heart? Why would he ever want to miss the beautiful sight, as breathtaking as the sun rising over the Hasetsu sea, of Yuuri’s big brown eyes sleepily blinking open and a sweet smile stretching across his face?

But very occasionally, that old restless feeling wells up under his skin, propelling him out of the warmth of bed and the coziness of their apartment and into the early morning darkness. Victor never thinks too hard on what exactly it is that causes that itch under his skin, though today he distantly knows that it probably has something to do with his return to the ice and Yakov’s grumpy rebukes and Yurio’s stunning talent paired with his less-than-mature attitude. These practices have recovered some of their healing tranquility: he is more comfortable now, in the grey of the dawn, than he has been for many years, and the chill of the ice soothes the agitated part of his mind.

Working on his short program has quickly devolved into unthinking jumps and turns, and now he is simply letting himself be on the ice. He doesn’t mull over the upcoming season or consider the improvements he has to make before his first competition – instead, he lets the music flow from him, directing his skating into leaps and spins. He follows the rise and swell of the melody, arms reaching as his feet glide across the ice. It isn’t the most technically perfect skating he has ever done, but at some point he notices himself smiling as he dances on the ice and thinks, _So this is what I was missing._

As he executes his last double toe loop, he hears someone clapping softly, the sound echoing in the empty rink, and turns to look. Leaning up against the barrier, Yuuri is smiling at him, his eyes crinkled up at the corners. Beside him, Victor catches sight of a furry brown head – Makkachin, panting at him with her tongue lolling out. Victor grins, his heart feeling light, and skates over to them.

“I think that was my favorite skating I’ve ever seen from you,” Yuuri says as he approaches. He reaches out and grabs Victor’s right hand, raising it to press a kiss to his fingers. It has become a tradition, of sorts, for the two of them to kiss each other’s rings, and the ritual has now become instinctive whenever they reunite.

Victor laughs, though he feels his face heating. “That was hardly a performance worthy of a Grand Prix winner. Besides, I thought you liked my 2014 Worlds program? Or at least, the number of Worlds posters you have made me think so.”

Whereas during their first few months as coach and student, even that light-hearted teasing would have shut Yuuri down immediately, now he merely shakes his head.

“I love all your skating, Vitya. But today – today it was like you were listening to a song no one else could hear. It was like watching you remember your passion for skating all over again. You’re an amazing skater no matter what you do, but when you’re passionate about a program, I can tell. It’s like your whole body lights up and all that matters is you on the ice.”

Warmth floods through his limbs. Victor has no idea what to do with this person who loves and knows him so well, knows every hidden part of him and not only accepts it, but understands it. For most of his life, he has hated vulnerability, but laying himself bare before Yuuri never feels dangerous – it feels as natural as breathing. Still, he is overwhelmed; his usual tactic would be to deflect attention by outrageously flirting and trying to make Yuuri blush, but the faint rays of sun beginning to peek through the windows make him think that this confession from Yuuri deserves a confession of his own.

“I was thinking of you,” he murmurs, moving closer to Yuuri. “I’m always thinking of you. That’s my secret – that’s what brought back my love for skating. It’s you, Yuuri.”

For a moment, Victor can’t read Yuuri’s thoughtful expression, but as always, Yuuri meets him where he is.

“It’s always been you too, Victor.”


End file.
